Instagrow.

That’s what Boogie says immediately following the actual gas passing. Sometimes she manages a giggly ‘excuse me’, but usually it’s all laughs, followed by even more laughs depending on how much the said gas offends those in her presence. This is like, all day, and often in public, most recently at a restaurant with Grandma who laughed so hard she cried… and then pooted. I was weak.

It’s no doubt her colon is frustrated and the likely offender (as she is her momma’s child) is dairy, which is quite unfortunate as milk is only her ‘favoritist’ thing in the world. She drinks it all day because she’s convinced it makes her ‘big like a giant’. I’m not 100 on which children’s program is responsible for this stellar messaging, but this is how things usually go-

Read On!>>>
Gia- Mommy, I need milk, please.
Me- It makes you almost poot, tho. How about some water?
Gia- But milk makes me big like a giant!
Me- You’re already big and strong.
Gia- But I want to be big like a giant, remember?! *all dramatic, with her arms outstretched in front of her*
Me- Okay *pours milk*
Gia- Thank you, thank you, thank you!

She takes a sip, sings ‘mmm! yummy in my boooodddy!’, runs to the wall, which is devoid of any measuring tool, ruler, meter stick, or measuring tape of any kind, puts her back to it and places her hand above her head as if to take a reading. She steps back to have a look. Impressed, she immediately runs back to her cup, takes another sip and says, ‘big, Big, BIG!’ as she stands on her tip toes and demonstrates the sprouting with her rising arms. She then proceeds back to the wall where she follows the same procedure – but moves her hand progressively up the wall to observe the headway and waits for my reinforcing commentary.   -__-

I’ve been trying to convince her that water, vegetables and almond milk are equally capable in getting her to giant status. Next up is teaching her that it’s milk – not ‘instagrow.’ My fingers are crossed that dairy is not the Jack to Gia’s Beanstalk dreams but we’re heading into the doc to check. Maybe he can explain to her that no matter how much milk she drinks, Mommy and Daddy are 5’5 and 5’7 and there aren’t enough cows in America to fight those genetics.